How we look is an outward reflection of how we feel about ourselves on the inside.
Most of the time, not taking care of our appearance is a result of being unhappy, for whatever reason. When we feel down – sad because a relationship has ended, frustrated because your career isn’t progressing, disappointed because you’ve gained weight - we tend to want to be invisible, and this shows up in our style.
We start to wear more “comfortable” clothes (you know the ones I mean!), duller colors, and we’ll do literally anything to blend in and disappear. We invent excuses for NOT having our hair done, not putting makeup on, or wearing leggings and worn out oversized t-shirts literally all the time.
Not surprisingly, our environment starts responding to our “request” of being invisible - we get ignored in public situations, people pass over us, and forget to greet us when we enter a room. This just makes us feel worse! We get upset with the world, and say to ourselves that “Screw it, no one cares about me anyway! Why should I bother?” So we make even less of an effort, and it continues to get worse…
Well, here’s the thing. Your image - as with everything else in life - starts in your head. If you’re not happy about yourself, your life, your circumstances or how people treat you, then take a moment and look deep inside.
Are you giving the respect, love, and attention that you’re expecting from others to yourself?
Let me help you with the answer – you’re most definitely not.
It’s easy to get lost in self-pity and to come up with excuses, explanations, and justifications for why we are not allowing ourselves to glow and grow. However, this leads us into the vicious cycle I described above, and instead of getting better it only takes us deeper and deeper into a place we don’t want to be.
Everyone has their own reasons for putting themselves last - lack of time, lack of money, lack of confidence or self-esteem, etc. etc. However, what I’ve learnt from working with women just like you is that the real reason is always the same – a lack of self-love.
How many times have you thought “I don’t deserve this”, “I shouldn’t spend time/money on myself”, “What would people/my family/my kids think”? And how often have you thought, “I’ll wear something smarter tomorrow” or “I’m already binging anyway, so what’s one more glass of wine/piece of cake/box-set episode”?
There is literally no reason why you shouldn’t strive to be your best self. You have everything to gain and only sadness, frustration, and disappointment to lose. And not only will you benefit, but so will everyone around you.
When you feel good, you radiate positive vibes from the inside out, and your environment picks up on your energy. In other words - when you give yourself permission to look, and be, your best, people will treat you accordingly.
Looking your best doesn’t just mean high heels and a sexy dress, though. It’s not necessarily a professional blow dry and glossy red lipstick. Well, for you it might, but your aim here is to find your style and match your outfits, hair, beauty routine, and general appearance with what you have on the inside - be the best version of who you really are. Not for anyone else, be that your lover, boss, mother, or friends, but for YOURSELF. Out of self-respect.
Life is meant to be lived to the fullest, and there’s no reason why we shouldn’t live it that way. When you look at your life and start to analyse what is holding you back, can you honestly say that there is anything which is entirely out of your control? And that with a different attitude or change of tack, couldn’t be overcome?
As they say - change one thing, and the rest will all fall into place. So why not start with yourself?
Here are a few things that you can do today to help you start loving yourself a little more and get you back on your journey to becoming your very best self…
Prepare your outfits on Sundays for the following week. In the morning rush, we tend to act on feelings and/or autopilot, which can lead us to just go for the easy or comfortable options. However, if you gift yourself an hour of time to play dress up and mindfully put together some “proper” outfits, you’ll be much more likely to wear the clothes you really like.
Put on some makeup. A little concealer, mascara, and lipstick can go a long way! It instantly makes you look put together and ultimately makes you feel like you mean it. Don’t forget to add a spritz of your favorite perfume!
Dedicate time to yourself. Take a hot bubble bath, apply a cleansing mask, or have your nails/hair done in a salon. This may sound like an unnecessary expense, but trust me, it’ll make you feel amazing. You deserve it, and you’re worth it!
Be a bit more “daring”. Use a bright color, wear prints, and throw on the dress that you’ve been saving for a “special occasion”. Life is happening right now - and it’s time to have fun with your style!
Forget about what others think. Do what FEELS right to YOU!!!
Getting to a place of self-love is a journey, and it doesn’t happen overnight. It won’t always be easy, you will have setbacks, and people might make comments (but remember anything they say is actually a reflection of how they feel about themselves, not you). However, with a bit of determination and a positive attitude, you’ll be back to being – and feeling – your very best you before you know it!
To help you stay focused when it comes to your style and looking after yourself, I’ve created a FREE download - The Chic Sheet - to help you tap into your authentic style and look and feel beautiful inside and outside.
Veronika Nemeth is the Founder and Creative Director of The Stylish Female Society. She is a seasoned Image Consultant, Personal Branding Expert and Transformational (Life)Style Coach helping heart-centered women to find their soul-aligned style and create a magnetic presence online & offline by uncovering their true essence and revealing their inner beauty through their style.
Her mission is to inspire women to step into their power, live their own truth and shine their authentic light through being the best version of them.